TWO SIDED GEMINI

YES GEMINI'S DO HAVE TWO SIDES OR MORE TO THEM. IN MY PREVIOUS BLOGS I'VE SPOKEN ABOUT MY SOULMATE AS A MAN. OH YES THERE IS A FEMALE SOULMATE FOR ME....


I'VE KNOWN FE SINCE I WAS 19YRS. OLD. I MET HER IN THE MILITARY AS WELL. THIS ONE WAS A HARD CATCH. I CHASED HER FOR QUITE SOME TIME. IT SEEMS AS THOUGH WHEN I WAS YOUNGER I WAS A LOT BOLDER. I EVENTUALLY GOT HER IN 98'. IT WAS A LONG TIME AFTER THAT BEFORE I GOT HER AGAIN. HOWEVER, WE DID BECOME VERY CLOSE FRIENDS. WE CALLED EACH OTHER SISTERS. DEEP DOWN I KNEW I STILL LOOKED AT HER IN A DIFFERENT WAY. I WAS JONESING FOR THIS YOUNG LADY BAD. SHE'S 6YRS OLDER THAN I. THAT AGE THING WAS NOTHING BUT A NUMBER FOR ME. I WAS KIND OF FORCED AND SOME OF IT WAS MY OWN CHARACTERISTICS, TO GROW UP FAST. THERE WAS A TRAGIC ACCIDENT THAT TOOK PLACE IN THE LATER PART OF 98' THAT CAUSED ME TO REALIZE HOW MUCH I LOVED THIS WOMAN AND DIDN'T WANT A MOMENT TO ESCAPE WITH OUT ME EVER GETTING THE CHANCE TO LET HER KNOW HOW I FELT ABOUT HER. SO WE GREW MUCH CLOSER. WE FINALLY WOKE UP AND SEEN THAT WE HAD A TRUE FRIENDSHIP IF NOT NOTHING ELSE THAT HAD DEVELOPED. IN 00' WE BOTH KNEW WE WANTED OUT OF OUR PARENTS AND WANTED TO SAVE MONEY. WE BOTH HAVE BEEN BACK AND FORTH BACK HOME. SHE WANTED PRIVACY AND I WANTED A PIECE OF MIND FROM AN ABUSIVE MOTHER. SO SHE ASKED ME TO MOVE WITH HER INTO THIS HOUSE HER GODFATHER WOULD RENT OUT TO US. I SAID YES . WE BOTH MADE ENOUGH MONEY TO LIVE COMFORTABLY. THINGS STARTED TO HEAT UP BETWEEN US EMOTIONALLY AND SEXUALLY. WE REALLY GOT A CHANCE TO KNOW ONE ANOTHER. COME TO FIND OUT WE HAD SO MUCH IN COMMON. IT WAS A GREAT LIVING ARRANGEMENT.

THINGS STARTED TO GO SOUR FOR ME. I KNEW SHE HAD FEMALE FRIENDS, AND THAT WE WEREN'T EXCLUSIVE. I WAS THE ONE TO COME UP WITH THE IDEA AND AGREED TO IT. THINGS DID START TO CHANGE BETWEEN US. I WAS SO IN LOVE WITH HER. TO NOT HAVE HER WOULD HURT. THEREFORE I ACCEPTED IN ANY FORM THAT I COULD HAVE HER. TO BE HONEST WE USED ONE ANOTHER. FOR HER I BELIEVE IT WAS A SECURITY BLANKET OR CONVENIENCE. SHE KNEW I WOULD ALWAYS BE THERE AND WASN'T GOING ANYWHERE. I WAS LIKE HER SAFE HAVEN. I KNEW THAT AND I KNEW I DIDN'T WANT TO LOSE HER SO I ALLOWED MYSELF TO BE USED. I CAN'T SAY SHE DIDN'T LOVE ME, BUT NOT THE WAY I LOVED HER.

I WAS GOING TROUGH SOME OF MY OLD WRITINGS BACK THEN AND RAN ACROSS SOMETHING I WROTE ABOUT FE. IT'S WEIRD I STILL LOVE HER WITH ALL MY HEART. I REALIZED I WAS ABLE TO GO ON. I KNEW I DESERVED TO BE LOVED THE WAY THAT I WAS CAPABLE TO LOVE OR TO BE ALONE UNTIL. I LEARNED A LOT AND THAT HAS MOLDED ME INTO THE PERSON I AM TODAY. THAT I THANK HER FOR. WE ARE GREAT FRIENDS AND IT WAS HARD FOR ME TO GET THERE...



I CONSTANTLY LOVE HER. I FEEL AS THOUGH IT'S NOT BEING RETURNED. I KNOW SHE LOVES ME IN HER OWN SPECIAL WAY. SHE'S NOT IN LOVE WITH ME. I CAN'T LEAVE HER. I DON'T WANT HER TO LEAVE ME NEITHER. SHE'S CONSTANTLY RUNNING TOWARDS SOMETHING THAT'S ALREADY IN HER FACE. I'M SO SCARED TO TELL HER HOW MUCH I NEED AND WANT HER. EVEN THOUGH SHE SAYS SHE'LL NEVER CHANGE OR LEAVE ME. I KNOW IT WILL RUIN THE LITTLE RELATIONSHIP WE HAVE. THE LOVE SHE GIVES IS ONLY PART TIME. I CAN NEVER SAY SHE HAS LEAD ME TO BELIEVE THAT WE WILL BE TOGETHER. WHAT IS IT ABOUT ME THAT SHE DOESN'T WANT? I KNOW THERE IS SOME TYPE OF ATTRACTION THERE. DOES IT END THERE? I TRULY KNOW I'M A GOOD CATCH. HAVE I EVER CROSSED HER MIND IN THAT WAY? HAS SHE EVER WONDERED WHAT IT WOULD BE LIKE TO BE IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH ME? I'VE BEEN THROUGH THE FIRST BATTLE. EVERYTHING FROM THE BEGINNING I SAID I WANTED FROM HER I EVENTUALLY GOT. SHE GAVE ME A RUN FOR MY MONEY. I DID GET THE OPPORTUNITY TO SHOW HER THAT I'M DETERMINED. NOW SHE THINKS I'M STOPPING RIGHT HERE AND GIVING UP. TOMORROW IF I SEE HER I HAVE TO TELL HER BECAUSE IT'S EATING ME ALIVE. SHE SAID SHE WOULDN'T LEAVE ME AND SHE KNOWS THAT I WOULD CRY IF SHE DID. SHE REALLY THINKS SHE KNOWS ME. WHY DO I GIVE HER SO MUCH POWER? SHE THINKS I'M INTIMIDATED. HONESTLY, I'M NOT INTIMIDATED I'M TERRIFIED OF REJECTION. SHE SAYS SHE DOESN'T WANT TO GROW OLD AND ALONE. I DON'T WANT TO BE ALONE LIKE I AM NOW. I WANT TO CONTINUE TO GROW AND BE WITH HER. DEEP DOWN I KNOW I WILL GET DOWN ON ONE KNEE AND ASK HER TO GIVE ME A LIFETIME. THAT'S HOW LONG IT'S GOING TO TAKE ME TO SHOW HER ALL THE LOVE THAT'S BEEN BOTTLED UP INSIDE OF ME. THAT LOVE I DON'T WANT TO GIVE TO ANYONE ELSE BUT HER. WHY WON'T I LET ANYONE ELSE IN? I CAN'T LET HER OUT. WHAT TECHNIQUE IS THAT I CAN USE TO SHOW HER I'M GENUINELY IN LOVE WITH HER? I'M SCARED OF CHASING HER AWAY. TELL ME TO LET THAT LOVE GO AND I JUST LOVE HER MORE. IS SHE PULLING ME ALONG UNTIL SHE CAN SAY YES OR NO? THIS SHIT IS RIPPING AT MY SOUL. I CAN FEEL EVERY SHED RIP. I DON'T WANT MY SOUL TO GO NUMB. EACH TEAR THAT DROPS CAN FORM A SEA OF LOVE. A SEA THAT I WANT HER TO SHARE AND DROWN IN IT WITH ME. I WANT HER TO DROWN UNTIL SHE CAN'T BREATH ANYMORE. I'LL BE RIGHT THERE TO REVIVE HER. WHEN I LOOK INTO HER EYES I SEE A HEART THAT WANTS TO PUMP OUT BLOOD FOR THE RIGHT PERSON. THIS PRECIOUS DARLING DOESN'T HAVE TO LOOK ANY FURTHER HER DONOR IS RIGHT HERE. MY BLOOD NEEDS HER. IT CAN RUN ALL THROUGH MY VEINS AND ARTERIES. THIS WAY I CAN TOTALLY FEEL HER, SO I CAN FULLY UNDERSTAND HER. BY HAVING THAT SAME BLOOD THAT GOES ALL THROUGH HER BODY INCLUDING HER BRAIN, MAYBE THEN I CAN KNOW WHAT SHE THINKS AND FEEL ABOUT ME. I WOULD HATE TO BE FORCEFUL AND EVER SO DELICATELY BITE THE BLOOD FROM HER NECK. I'M SURE IT WOULD TASTE SO SWEET. A CHANCE TO SHOW HER ANOTHER WAY. I COULD TEACH HER TO BE MY DONOR. I WANT HER TO BITE MY NECK, TASTE THE BLOOD AND SUCK THE LIFE RIGHT OUT OF ME. YOU KNOW WHAT CONCLUSION SHE WOULD COME TO? THE CONCLUSION IS THIS: HERE'S A WOMAN THAT LOVED ME UNTIL DEATH DID US PART.

WRITTEN IN 2002